My name is Fred.
I bet that rite now ur thinking: Pretty kewl name. OR ur thinking: Pie is good.
I say yes to both.
Today i'm with my best buds Lucy and Bob. Lucy and Bob live in a duplex. Yooh know, one of those houses where there are 2 small homes in one and yooh get to spray the neighbor with a hose every time she goes to get the mail. That type of duplex.
Bob lives in one side of the duplex and Lucy lives in the other. Today we were at Bob's duplex place and Lucy wanted to come over but we said no and she got all mad. And she wuz like. "wtfizmybakyardtoosoigothar" and we were like "whaeva all we gon do is play tag anyweyz." So since it was her bakyard too we had to let her play tag. Tag is our fav game and we were real mad so Lucy was always it. But we made dis promise tht every time Lucy wasnt it, we got to play tag with my hunting knife tht dad gave me last year for x-mas.

After we wuz done playin tag, Lucy's mom was like "omg yooh boys r so nice to Lucy, yooh can has a cheeseburger." And I waz like "icanhascheeseburger!!!!!!!" And Lucy's mom waz like "Ya, Fred, yooh can has cheeseburger." So me and Bob were all like nom nom nom nom nom nom. And Lucy wanted to has cheeseburger but Lucy's mom said "no cheeseburger for yooh." And Lucy cried and ran up the stairz. She didn't even go to her room like a normal kid. she jus ran up the stairs and cried in da bathroom. I guess she had to go real bad. but she thot it would b more dramatic if she held it in jus so she could cry.

What a fatty. I mean, she cried jus cause she couldnt has cheeseburger.

Me and Bob ate up our cheeseburgerz REAL fast. But dere was something wrong about dem. After we vate da cheeseburgerz we felt all weird and wiggly. Then, to my horror, I realized that we were fat!

We weren't just the type of fat kid you would go up to and say "hey chubby!" We were the type you would physically avoid becuz yooh were so scared tht they would crush yooh if yooh went too close. We were litterally OBESE.



Then Lucy came down the stairz and she was like "AHAHAHAHA UR PHAT" and I was like "stfu newb" and I sat on her.

Maybe sitting on Lucy while I was obese wasnt a good idea. I think I broke her spine or somethin becuz she was like cryin her hed off and she had to go on an ambulance to the hospital.
Then Bob was like "great job yooh tard. Yooh jus killed my gurlfrend!!!!111!!!1" and I was like "WTH?HOW DA HEK WAS LUCY UR GURLFREND?" And then we kept hittin and rolling on top of each otha. It turned into a REAL big phatty war.