When practicing *tomato grooming, start off slowly. Insert a *skittle or two in at the very most before inserting a *dollar bill or *charlie browns (PLURAL). This can cause your *soft fluffy pillow to rip and lead to *the stuffing falling out and is a gateway to *smelly lasagna. It will also make *call of duty very difficult. 
After stretching your *socks, eventually make your way up to a small *plastic toy soldier, and eventually once you can slip in *seventeen full length novels by stephenie meyer, you're ready to have some fun!
Remember to be safe, always use *a plastic lizard, and now you're ready for some *turtle fun!

*edited for clarity by pelord