Jackie- A Pug known to be "ugly" and "wierd". She is smart, but nobody ever likes her. No one ever wants to be her friend. Has disabilities-- but only find out what they are when you read on!
Kye- A Husky said to be beautiful and bold. Strong and amazing. All the girls are at his feet, and he doesn't have a word to say of them.
Despite their size, looks, and more; these dogs will make it. This is a story I plan on making well.
Chapter 1: Jackie's Life. Jackie, a three year old Pug sat alone outside in her neighbor's yard- in the mud. Her owner was mean to her. Her owner thought she was ugly. And that owner's name was Sherri. Sherri's ex (husband) gave her Jackie as a gift- a mean one, and they got in a fight. "Oh Sherri!" Her ex said. "I've got a present for you!" Sherri came out exited. "I'll give you a hint- it barks, wags, and--" "And it's..." Sherri said, interupting. She openned it. It was Jackie. "And it's ugly!" Her ex said, with an evil face, laughing. Now, to tell you about Sherri and the ex--Dave. They were both bad people. They drank, and sometimes smoke. They got cranky a lot. I don't know how they even got to love each other enough to marry. She cried and slapped him- like I said, they were cranky. Now, Jackie was a very nice dog. She is one of the nicest dogs you would ever meet. Dave left, in his red truck. Sherri threw down the pup on the ground, and poor Jackie was only five weeks old! The puppy cried and cried. Sherri didn't the least feel bad. "Shut up!" She said, still crying. Her neighbor saw it all. Sherri's neighbor was old but nice; her neighbor's name was Bertha. Sherri ran away into her house, and Bertha called the vet. The vet said (when Bertha brought the puppy to it) that two of Jackie's legs were broken...Completely. It was so bad, they'd have to detatch them. Now, Jackie had two legs. One front right, and back left. She almost looked as if she had a unibrow. Nobody would but Jackie from Sherri. Finally, Bertha, the kind neighbor said she'd take Jackie in. As soon as Jackie was in her house, Bertha sat on the couch, breathing deeply. She was having a heart attack...Bertha had passed away. Jackie howled and howled and had Sherri come and take her in. No one would buy poor Jackie, and Sherri had no way to get rid of that memory of Dave. For three years, the drunk, mean, young woman took care of that dog...But not well. The dog grew mean. Now nobody would ever want her. So Jackie still sat in the mud, tied and stangled to the post outside. She pulled and tugged, and with all viciousness, she broke free of the rusted chain. She ran out, and was runnig down the street. Maybe she could go far enough to be known as a stray? And then be adopted. Maybe not.
Chapter 2: Kye's Life
Kye was BEAUTIFUL He was a tall, strong, bold, Husky. His markings were elagant. His body was muscular. His eyes a sparkling blue. His tail was fluffy and was white-tipped. He also had a white chin to tail and white feet. All the neighborhood dogs were at his feet. He didn't have a word to say of them, but not because he was shy, he just didn't love them. He was nice though. One of the kindest dogs you'd ever meet. He was owned by a famliy of four. A dad, a mother, a teenage girl, and a baby boy. That family lived in a beautiful home. They were rich, but nice. They donated a lot of their money to the charity. It was almost a perfect life. The mother was pregnant with another child. Everyday rolled along smoothly. Kye lived with five cats, and a bird. He had many dog friends, males and females. He had a girlfriend, but he didn't love her. He felt too pressured with all the girls, he decided if he got a girlfriend, they might give him some space. Her name was Krystal. She was beautiful too. But the thing was, she could be kinda rude. Kye was in the backyard with the cats and his dog friends playing. Suddenly, a storm came. A tornado spun. His owners were gone. They let him in the backyard, since they had a high enough gate. His friends found a place in the fence to dig, and get out. But Kye never left, he liked where he was. He ran and surried, and there was no place to hide. He ran out of the yard out the hole, as well as his friends and the cats. He found a female dog call him to her. She let him go through the doggy door in her house, and she led him to the basement. As the tornado passed, that nice female's owners put him out. He was all alone, and couldn't find his way home. And the adventure begins.
Chapter 3: The Meet Jackie saw the storm heading her way. She was running down the sidewalk. She heard thunder, and looked over her shoulder to see the big, black cloud heading over her. As soon as she looked back-- she was on the road, and she looked back just to see a car that had already passed her. Her heart was beating like a hummingbird but she didn't move. She was perilized. Her eyes were just looking straight forward, but not moving. Suddenly, a bunch of dogs were passing by on the sidewalk, running. It was Kye and his friends, most big. Kye saw Jackie on the road. He stopped, but all the other dogs ran by him, not noticing he stopped. He looked at that poor dog on the road, and ran to see if she was okay. Jackie closed her eyes. She opened them, only seeing a big, giant dog over her. She was scared, so she growled. Kye backed off a little, and Jackie tried to get up and run. But, sadly, Jackie had broken her arm and leg. Kye just stared at her. "...Are you okay?" Kye asked. Jackie stared at him and cried. Her legs were broken so badly, they might as well not be there. Kye looked around seeing that all his friends had left and howled. Only three dogs came. One, whose name was Mokie, and a mixed breed, came to Jackie. "How do you feel?" Mokie asked. "I...feel...Drained. It feels like I was run over by a--...I was ran over. By a car." Jackie replied. Mokie looked back at the other dogs frowning. He was smart, and said "I'm afraid...She doesn't have much time. She's loosing too much blood. She will need a doctor." Kye immidiately said "Let's go! We have to hurry! The storms kicking in!" Mokie picked up Jackie and tried to find the vet. But he couldn't get in. The vet was getting ready for the storm. Mokie put Jackie at the step and barked loudly. The vet glanced out the window seeing Jackie. He opened the door, and picked up Jackie. They went to the middle room, safest from the predicted tornado. He put cloth around Jackie's legs and other wounded parts. He cleaned her face, revealing what she looked like. All the dogs were disgusted, being ugly even for a pug. But not Kye. Kye looked into her blue eyes. He saw a beautiful dog, one of the prettiest he had seen. Jackie looked at him with a faint smile. Then she closed her eyes and cried. She saw the other dog's expressions. She knew she was ugly, and had a bad attitude. As the tornado passed, the vet opened the door...Only to see a big mess. Everything was was all around the room, but hopefully most other rooms were okay. He entered his surgery room, only bringing Jackie in. He studied her legs and took an X-Ray. He saw that her legs were too broken for repair and his only choice was to do amputation. Jackie would only have two limbs, making it almost impossible to walk.
But, the vet had a solution. He would give her special made fake limbs. The bad side was they couldn't move. But after hours, he accomplished it. The dogs were all put into cages to stay in until the owner's claimed them. All the dogs were claimed but Jackie. Why would Sherri take her back? The vet was sad. He couldn't take her, because he already had many pets. He brought Jackie to an adoption center...A pound. No one wanted to buy her, a bad attitude, ugly, fake legs pug. She eventually might have to be put to sleep...What would she do?! As Jackie sat in her cold, metal corner and fell asleep, she only knew fate was in her path.
-- Edited by Animal_Lover at 23:35, 2008-02-23
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1. "X" means "ex" right? If so, use the term "ex-boyfriend" or "ex-gilfriend" instead of X. 2. In the second chapter, you separated the word beautiful with periods. Leave it as it is, we all understand he was beautiful ;) 3. "Desided" is "Decided" ;) 4. "Criend" is "cried" 5. Instead of using periods all the time, like,
"Sherri's neighbor was old but nice. The neighbor's name was Bertha."
Use semicolons, colons, dashes, commas, etc. Here's some examples:
A) Sherri's neighbor was old, but nice; her name was Bertha. -semicolon B) Sherri's neighbor was old but nice: her name was Bertha. -colon C) Sherri's neighbor was old but nice-- her name was Bertha. -dash D) Sherri's neighbor, who's name was Bertha, was old, but nice. -proper use of commas/conjuctions
6) Finally, always, always when in doubt, use your friend, the diccionary. ;)
This is some critique, take it and apply it so you can become a better writer, and who knows-- maybe you'll write your own book!
-- Edited by DogMaster4 at 21:36, 2008-01-12
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just came by to say goodbye. Leaving this place for good. Psycho sucks. Bye.
1. "X" means "ex" right? If so, use the term "ex-boyfriend" or "ex-gilfriend" instead of X. 2. In the second chapter, you separated the word beautiful with periods. Leave it as it is, we all understand he was beautiful ;) 3. "Desided" is "Decided" ;) 4. "Criend" is "cried" 5. Instead of using periods all the time, like,
"Sherri's neighbor was old but nice. The neighbor's name was Bertha."
Use semicolons, colons, dashes, commas, etc. Here's some examples:
A) Sherri's neighbor was old, but nice; her name was Bertha. -semicolon B) Sherri's neighbor was old but nice: her name was Bertha. -colon C) Sherri's neighbor was old but nice-- her name was Bertha. -dash D) Sherri's neighbor, who's name was Bertha, was old, but nice. -proper use of commas/conjuctions
6) Finally, always, always when in doubt, use your friend, the diccionary. ;)
This is some critique, take it and apply it so you can become a better writer, and who knows-- maybe you'll write your own book!
-- Edited by DogMaster4 at 21:36, 2008-01-12
1.Yeah. I think most people get the point though, but I can change it. It'll take a while.xD 2. It's saying: "B" "E" "A" "U" "T" "I" "F" "U" "L". Like, the actual letters. But kaa. 3+4: STUPID TYPOS. >:(((((( 5. Kaa.. 6. Lol, two c's no t! :D Yeah, lol.
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