Hello old friends! And by that, I mean seriously, really old friends. At the time of writing this, it's been 12 years since I joined this site, and it's pretty damn impressive to me that it still stands. It's a little wonky, sure, but it holds a lot of ancient memories long forgotten, and has withstood the test of time, unlike Myspace.

Despite publishing my contact information, I haven't received any correspondence (excluding Pelord and Natalia, who have remained my friends) for a few years, so it almost feels safe to assume I will not receive any in the future, either. After all, I'm turning 22 this year and gearing up to get married and have kids. It's reasonable to move on and let this place go. And yet, I have no doubt that as long as this site still stands, I'll still visit it. Its link will always be in my bookmarks, its name always burned into my memory. It's not crazy to think I'll be showing my kids this site if not merely as a museum of society in the early 2000's. It's pretty clear to me that I value this place more than others, and that I still care about all of you and would love to catch up and see where life has taken you.

A lot happens in 12 years. I already know that some of you have gotten married and started your careers and heck, even been established in your careers for a long time. I haven't seen or heard any news of kids, but I have to imagine at least some of us have them by now. It's not a stretch to say some of us may have even gone through divorce, addiction, been to jail. It's nearly certain our pets pictured here have passed away. Some of the members here may have even passed away in the last 12 years. I have to say, it's pretty hard not knowing. We already passed our 10 year anniversary, a reasonable time for reunions, but I may even now try to reach out and contact you guys. It's more than a morbid curiosity. I love you all, and think about you more than is normal. Days spent here, for me, were in my formative years, and as a lonely homeschooler, the most social interaction I'd ever had up until that point. That makes you all important to me. Like family to me. Just a really distant, hard to contact family that I worry about.

As for me and the past 12 years, of course a lot has happened. This site led me to The Lion King Fan Art Archive, which then led me to the fan-made online game, Impressive Title. Things started to get weird then. Furries and adults wanting to roleplay with me, a 10-year old, and often inappropriately. In a swift move and the best my parents ever made, I was severely restricted from the internet and encouraged to spend more time outside and making friends. At 11, I got an "Ed, Edd n' Eddy" life, hanging out with other kids and going on adventures. More people I love dearly and try to keep in contact with. We were all acting kids, so we were all in multiple productions a year. We also went to summer and winter camps together, choir tours, concerts and movies, weekend sleepovers, mission trips, county fairs, horse shows, malls, birthday parties. In my then-restricted time on the internet, I got involved with DeviantArt, things like Invader Zim and Avatar the Last Airbender, Percy Jackson, and when I was 13, I was finally allowed to watch and read Harry Potter. Life was a basket of roses with all my friends and favorite shows. As I entered high school, I began to set my sights higher and started attending leadership conferences and ditching my "emo" image for a professional image, and my friends did as well.
Then, at 15, it all disappeared as my family moved from my birthplace and hometown and into a small town in the middle of nowhere where outsiders weren't welcome and the weather and geography trapped you. My mental illnesses severely worsened there, and my social status and confidence plummeted as locals made fun of me and excluded me my entire time there. I picked up bad habits and addictions and it felt like the end of the world, but I managed. I ignored things like friends and instead pushed myself to focus entirely on academics, that "professional" image, and competitions in singing and public speaking. My only friends were my teachers. I became something unfamiliar to myself. No more bright colors and cartoons, just business and hard work. My internet presence became longing to go back home while looking at old friends at my old home, and joining tumblr. And then, after two years of that nightmare, my family moved again.
This time was much better. We moved to a city where people weren't close-minded and isolated. I made lots of friends at school, got to explore lots of new places (instead of just frozen corn fields), even made some progress on recovering from my addictions and mental illnesses. I even got to do things with friends like I used to, like go to movies together, or theme parks. I got to star as the lead role in our play, got to be on student council and in drumline. I still adore that school and am currently trying to get a job there. They helped a lot, but I needed more help than that. When I graduated, I didn't go to college. I worked. Minimum wage, yelled at by bosses and customers alike, made to feel worthless. Started to rely on the internet again, this time writing fanfics for Undertale with some long-distance friends from the Czech Republic. That friendship crumbled. My mental health declined again, so badly that I began to have panic attacks on a regular basis and couldn't get myself out of bed most days. I tried dating and was taken advantage of.

And then, finally, I met Matthew. My current fiance and the start to my actual mental health and addiction recovery. He has severe depression too. Right now we live together and I've had a psychiatrist and therapist help me overcome my illnesses. I'm still working towards it. I still struggle with the internet, though these days I'm mostly scrolling through tumblr even after the Great Porn Ban of 2018, and surfing YouTube looking at ant farms and murder mysteries and nail tutorials. I laugh because my internet presence has become more prevalent lately. My art is funny one-liners that often make it to top comments and pictures of my cat. But it's nothing significant, and I don't have internet friends or an internet community anymore. Instead, I spend my time with Matt. I learn how to be an adult and how to babysit our infant goddaughter. I try to make friends at church and five different small groups. This period of my life isn't the greatest, but I'm growing a lot. I'm recovering, I'm planning for a future and a family. I'm awaiting feedback on my last interview to see if I finally get a full time job. I'm learning how to make alfredo lasagna roll-ups and how to hand-wash dishes efficiently and frequently enough to avoid mountains of dishes. We go to the gym, go biking at the park. I'm getting ready to move in with my family again so that I can go to college near them and get my degree. My future seems more interesting than my present right now, but soon it will become the present. Hopefully.

I'd love to hear what you guys have been up to. I know all or mostly all of you are older than me, so you're likely in the next steps of life. If you're reading this, thank you for taking the time to connect with me. I'd love to connect with you, too.